Writing by Yvonne Watterson

~ considering the lilies & lessons from the field ©

Writing by Yvonne Watterson

Category Archives: Memoir

every day is teacher appreciation day

06 Tuesday May 2025

Posted by Editor in favorite teacher, Frank O'Connor, Great teachers, Memoir, Mr. Jones, Music, Short Stories, Teacher Appreciation Week, Teaching, Themes of childhood

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#closednotclosed, #thankateacher, Memoir, Prince of Tides, reading, Teacher Appreciation Week 2020, Teaching, Thank a teacher, Writing

 

There’s no word in the language I revere more than ‘teacher.’ My heart sings when a kid refers to me as his teacher, and it always has. I’ve honored myself and the entire family of man by becoming a teacher.

I won’t be the only one to invoke Pat Conroy’s Prince of Tides during this Teacher Appreciation Week  We should honor our teachers and their craft. Navigating multiple challenges and crises wrought by COVID, millions of them learned to teach from their homes, to harness the power of whatever technology was available to them to maintain a connection with their students, many of whom they didn’t see for months, many of whom dropped out.  They learned to improvise—with phone calls and postcards and hand-written letters to the families without access to home computers and the online Zoom classrooms reminiscent of the Brady Bunch grid. In spite of their efforts to keep students engaged, the effects of COVID disruptions resonate in 2025, with many students still far away from full academic recovery in math and reading.

The most important subject — and good teachers know this — is their students. Good teachers understand that all students enter the classroom—online or off— with the same basic needs –  to feel safe, to learn, to matter. Some children, especially those struggling during the pandemic with hunger or poverty or an unsafe home, will always remember the schools and teachers who went above and beyond to make sure they made it through.  As Henry Adams once said about a teacher’s effect on eternity.

He can never tell where his influence stops.


On this teacher appreciation day, come away with me to the classroom with your favorite teacher’s name on the door. You know the one. Maybe it was the teacher who knew you were really good at art and entered your  drawing in a contest without telling you. Maybe it was the kindly English teacher who cut you some slack when you didn’t finish a book report because your mother was in the hospital, and who you overheard one day tell a student during detention, “You will never earn enough money to do a job you do not love. Never.” Or maybe it was the history teacher who, decades later, is the reason why your mind drifts to the fields of the Antebellum South every time you use a cotton ball.

Each of us should have this extraordinary teacher. 

Mr. Jones and me

For me, it was Mr. Jones, my English teacher. I was a teenager when I first encountered. I knew nothing about pedagogy, but because of him, I learned what great teaching looked like. It looked like Mr. Jones in his classroom every day at Antrim Grammar School. Then a young man at the beginning of his career, he wore a tweed jacket with leather patches on the elbows and on its lapel, a “Save the Otter” button. Naturally, he was well-read, but more importantly, he was accessible.  The best reader in the room, be brought vividly to life Chaucer’s Pardoner and other questionable characters, knowing the bawdy exchanges that would most appeal to our adolescent sensibilities. With impeccable timing, he knew when we’d had our fill of Richard Church’s Over the Bridge or the Great Expectations of Charles Dickens. And, at such times, he would pause to wax philosophical or tell us to underscore in red great chunks of text we should learn by heart. Like this:

That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.

“Great stuff!” he would add for emphasis. Every time. 

Mr. Jones created a classroom that was a place of hope during often hopeless and harrowing days in 1970s Northern Ireland.  The daughter of working-class parents who pushed me to do well in school, I was the first in our extended family to pass the 11+ exam that gained me a spot at Antrim Grammar, the posh school, where the headmaster and teachers showed up to morning assembly in Hogwarts-style black gowns. Insecure and unsure of my place there, I loved how Mr. Jones took us away from all that, indulging with good humor, our wrong answers and red herrings and the questions we were never afraid to ask.   I remember one day I raised my hand to ask what “pre-Raphaelite” meant, and I jotted down the definition in the margin of Thomas Hardy’s The Return of the Native.  A few minutes later, I raised my hand to ask if I could go to the toilet, and when I returned to the classroom, Mr. Jones asked – but not unkindly – if I had  looked in the mirror to consider if perhaps I too had pre-Raphaelite features like the coquettish Eustacia Vye. Of course I had looked in the mirror.  I also  remember the day I said out loud that I was surprised one of the women in the novel had turned out to be “that type of woman,” and Mr. Jones, glasses balanced on his head, looked right at me and said, “Yvonne, there is no type. Remember that.” I have never forgotten it.

My musical education

In these seemingly random conversations, Mr. Jones revealed to us a little of his life beyond the classroom and his taste in music – Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, and Jackson Browne – thereby influencing my own. He even let me borrow his records. But then back to business, he would painstakingly guide us through the required reading for O-level and A-level English exams, the routines and rituals of his classroom elevating an ordinary space into a place of possibility. Every. Single. Day.

Conversely, I also encountered teachers who didn’t seem to like children very much – the strident PE teacher who watched as we showered and questioned the validity of notes our mothers had written to excuse us from swimming because we were menstruating. She even asked for evidence. There were teachers who used sarcasm and big words as they undermined working class parents who lacked a formal education but more than made up for it with hard work and a desire to know the things to do and say that would help ensure their children a place at university, a competitive edge in a world foreign to them.  Parents like mine. 

When I think back to my parents observing their university-bound daughter, I am reminded of something Seamus Heaney once told Dennis O’Driscoll:

Even Belfast was far away to me. In those days, I was outside the loop, my family had no familiarity with universities, no sense of the choices that there were, no will to go beyond the known procedures, no confidence, for example, about phoning up the local education authority and seeking clarification about what was possible – no phone, for God’s sake.

 

My First Teacher

From this vantage point, my mother – my first teacher –  took pride in all aspects of our education, from sewing labels on our uniforms to “backing” our textbooks. I can see her in my mind’s eye, at our kitchen table, late one September evening after our first day back at school.  One at a time, she places each of our new books  carefully on the middle of a sheet of brown parcel paper. With a few quick snips, folds, and tucks, she has it covered, ready for us to write our names on the front.

One September, because she was ill and in the hospital, I took it upon myself to back my new history textbook.  Like so many things, this was something my mother had made look easy. Clumsy, I could not fit the brown paper neatly under the spine at both ends, so I gave up and went to school, my book un-backed. For my sins, I was subjected me to a memorably sarcastic tirade from a teacher who made me stand up while he berated me in front of everyone, told me I was useless, and that he didn’t want to hear another word about my mother in the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast. She may as well have been on the other side of the world in that instant, and almost 50 years later, I can still feel the sting of embarrassment on my face.

I never forgave him. 


Full circle

In the classroom across the hall, however, and because of Mr. Jones, I mattered, and I knew that I mattered.  This might explain why I became a teacher and remained a teacher for so many years, driven I suppose by the hope that kids in my classroom might feel they mattered too. 

By the time I had spent more than a decade as a teacher, Mr. Jones had moved on to s new teaching post at Friends School in Lisburn. It makes me smile to consider the possibility that, on the same day, Mr. Jones and I might have been introducing our respective students on either side of the Atlantic, to Robert Frost’s Birches.

Years later, curious about where his career had taken him, and hoping to connect with him so I could say thank you,  I searched online, where I found in the Friends Summer 2012 Newsletter a tribute to my favorite teacher, now middle-aged and retired 

Mr Terry Jones, Senior Teacher, joined the staff at Friends’ from Antrim Grammar School as Head of the English Department in 1996. At the heart of his teaching was an abiding love of literature, an endless enthusiasm for books and reading, that enriched and enlivened all in his classroom over the years. At the heart of his work in school were kindness, warmth and good sense – qualities that drew the best from pupils and fostered the good relationships so important in our community. A man with many interests, those good relationships extended throughout the staff at Friends’ and Terry Jones was a most highly valued colleague and friend. Calm and steadfast in upholding what is really important in education, Terry Jones made an immense contribution and his example will be a pattern for those who worked with him here in years to come. There is no doubt that retirement will be busy and fulfilling and Terry Jones has our thanks and very best wishes for the future.

At the heart of his work were kindness, warmth, and good sense – the likes of which we saw from teachers everywhere during COVID-19. Perhaps it took a pandemic for us to notice that good teachers are essential.

Remember to thank one of them.

Pints with Mr. Jones, Belfast 2015

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How to Open a Book

06 Thursday Mar 2025

Posted by Editor in Memoir, Northern Ireland, Themes of childhood

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Antrim Grammar School, Antrim Primary School, Clifford T. Ward, Community, Dewey Decimal Classification, Dublin Road, Enid Blyton, Gloria Steinem, How to Open a Book, Influences, Jack Kerouac, Library, library closures, Memoir, Michael Morpurgo, mobile library, NEELB, North Eastern Education and Library Board, Northern Ireland, Phillip Pullman, public library, reading, Themes of childhood, Thomas Jefferson

Some years ago, science fiction writer, John Scalzi, penned a homage to the libraries of his life prompting me to do the same today, World Books Day. Not a bricks and mortar library, my childhood library was a bus full of magic that visited a housing estate on Antrim’s Dublin Road every week. Although a world away from the United States, it was probably what Thomas Jefferson had in mind:

I have often thought that nothing would do more extensive good at small expense than the establishment of a small circulating library in every county, to consist of a few well-chosen books, to be lent to the people of the country under regulations as would secure their safe return in due time.

Mobile Libraries Offer Valuable Services To Rural Communities

. . . the library came to me. Every Wednesday, the mobile library parked around the corner, its desultory young driver oblivious to my excitement as I climbed the steps up into the back of his van, an improbable space transformed by well-chosen books into what Jefferson may have envisioned. There, I fell in love with books. It was our Aladdin’s Cave, unexpected treasures waiting for anyone who ventured inside.

The “library man” was reminiscent of an early Dr. Who. My brother does not share my opinion of him, finding him not at all desultory, rather a cool cat with wire-rimmed spectacles who could have handily passed as a member of Clifford T. Ward‘s road crew. Irrespective of our impressions or the library man’s academic qualifications, he was also just another “man” among a diverse cast of men that peopled our childhood: the coal man, the bin man, the bread man, the milk man, the Braid mineral man, the insurance man, and, of course, the ice-cream man. The library man also brought with him a female assistant whose task was to hand out the books. You can imagine the disappointment of one of the children when he reached up to her with 5 pence, expecting an ice-cream cone in return.

Unlike Mr. Softee’s van, the mobile library was an industrial-gray and did not announce its arrival in Green Park Drive with a tune. It lumbered around the corner, its sides emblazoned with scarlet letters proclaiming it property of the North Eastern Education and Library Board. My brother remembers the mobile library in minute detail, from its gray carpeted floor and the impossibly huge steering wheel at the front, to the doors that opened in the middle to reveal the welcoming sight of a full length of a van festooned with books neatly arrayed from floor to ceiling. At one end, there was a counter, behind which Dr. Who was stationed with the nice lady who gave out the books. As Keith describes it, “the counter spanned the width of the vehicle and could be partly opened when Dr. Who wished to venture out from the inner sanctum to assist with queries from pesky kids and pensioners.”

how-to-open-a-new-book

This area behind the counter was a veritable cockpit from which Dr. Who ran his show. “For Office Use Only,” nobody else was allowed back there for a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the library man ‘s fastidious filing system. Governed entirely without computers, it relied on little cardboard boxes of index cards, the notations on which were most likely based on the Dewey Decimal system we had to memorize for Mr. Smyth some years later at Antrim Grammar School. I have since forgotten Mr. Dewey, but clearly remember the day Mr. Smyth taught us, with flair and panache, how to open a book. While as non-vital a lesson as how to conjugate a verb in Latin, it nonetheless still crosses my mind every time I buy a new hard-bound book.

In fairness, our library man never seemed to mind how we opened our books. He knew what we liked, and he let us order books that he would bring the next week. My mother often ordered books for my brother, and she would wait patiently while he retrieved them from a special stash behind the counter. As she loved to read, I don’t remember her ever borrowing a book for herself. Other than my mother, I remember the occasional grown-up poring over the Agatha Christie collection or asking the library man to set aside Jaws for the following week. It was generally accepted that the mobile library belonged to us, the children of the Dublin Road.

With its never-ending supply of books, we were never lonely.

dublinroadkids

It was there that I discovered prolific children’s author, Enid Blyton. My best friends were her ‘famous five’ and the posh girls who attended the fictional St. Clare’s and Malory Towers boarding schools. Written in the late 1940′s, Enid Blyton’s books are now regularly lambasted for reinforcing class and gender stereotypes. Yes, yes, they did. But I can’t imagine my childhood without her books, page-turners that provided hours of delight and sheer escapism for a working class girl in 1970s Northern Ireland.

Famous Five: Five Have Plenty Of Fun - Enid Blyton - The Bookshop

To this day, I cannot bring my presumably enlightened and evolved self to criticize Enid Blyton or any of the worlds she created. Every time I opened one of her books, it was to  immerse myself in secret passageways, coastal caves that needed exploring, treasure maps, midnight feasts, and the unsavory albeit formulaic plans of ne’er-do-well adults that were, foiled, in the eleventh hour, by “the five,” armed only with torches, the batteries of which never ran out. Each of their adventures began or ended with a picnic in uncharacteristic British sunshine, and without fail, the menu included piles of ham sandwiches and chocolate eclairs, washed down with the obligatory “lashings of ginger beer.” I read these books over and over, borrowed and re-borrowed them. In my ten-year old imagination, I was the “sixth” friend. I belonged with them. I was every bit as feisty as ‘tomboy’ George, as clever as Julian, playful like Dick, and kind as Anne. And, Timmy,  the dog, loved me best!

My brother read Enid Blyton’s books too. He began with the adventures of children who ran away from home to join Mr Galliano’s Circus. Duly inspired, he tells me he often fantasized about hiding behind the counter and waiting for the mobile library to careen out of the Dublin Road estate, a safe distance from our house, before pouncing on the unsuspecting library man with his plans for life as “a literary stowaway on the road.” My wee brother, the Jack Kerouac of Antrim Primary School, who knew even then that this was but a delightful reverie, and that our beloved library was likely bound for a prosaic council parking lot, where it would sit behind a padlocked gate with nothing more romantic on the horizon than Artie Warwick’s petrol station, wee Hughie’s pub or perhaps the laundry of the Masserene Hospital.

Along with Enid Blyton’s entire oeuvre, my brother ran away in the pages of all of the Asterix the Gaul books, most of the Adventures of Tin Tin, a collection of Hitchock inspired adventures, and The Three Investigators, one of whom bore the splendid name, Jupiter “Jupe” Jones. He also read The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew and reached the inevitable conclusion that Nancy’s sleuthing skills were superior. He even admits to reading the entire non-boy Malory Towers series. Such was the allure of Enid Blyton.

url

Equal to our books from the mobile library was the impressive variety of comics delivered weekly by a lanky paper boy, Hugh “Pick” McGarry. For my brother, there was The Beano and The Dandy, the latter filled with characters whose names I still remember, Desperate Dan, Minnie the Minx, and Beryl the Peril.  First came The Twinkle, “the picture paper especially for little girls.” Then, there was The Bunty— notable only because I have yet to meet a real-life person named Bunty—The Judy, The Mandy, and then in our adolescence, The Diana and The Jackie. In my mind, The Jackie was a bona fide woman’s magazine, complete with fashion and make-up tips, quizzes on how to “win his heart,” and the much anticipated pin-ups of pop stars of the day, usually one of the three Davids— Bowie, Essex, or Cassidy. In the early 1970s my bedroom featured a young David Cassidy grinning from my wall. I remember doing quizzes in The Jackie to see if, by some stretch, my personality might possibly match his.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, a young Gloria Steinem, was making her mark, navigating in a way she would describe to Oprah Winfrey thirty years later:

I had learned in Toledo, growing up, how to get a man to fall in love with me. Now, this is an important survival skill and we should recognize it. It’s a survival skill because if you make much less than men, if you need marriage, society says, in order to enjoy sexuality or have a child, you learn as a survival skill, in a deep sense, how to get men to fall in love with you.

I don’t know how many women in 1971 Antrim knew about Gloria Steinem or even if her books were available to them in the mobile library, but I would wager they knew exactly what she was talking about.

The Dublin Road children are all grown up now with children of our own. We live in houses where you might find high-brow books—literature—the likes of which we would never have sought in the mobile library. We know that James Joyce’s Ulysees is “better” than Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, but none of us would want to imagine an Antrim childhood bereft of the latter.

Former Children’s Laureate, Michael Morpurgo agrees and remains a staunch advocate for Enid Blyton, whose books his father banned from the household, deeming them superficial and unfavorable to his development as a reader:

But he was wrong. Her books were terrific page-turners in the way no others were. I had all sorts put into my hands when I was very little – I was offered Dickens at eight – that were not suitable for boys my age at all. But with Enid Blyton, I found I could actually get into the story, and finish it. They moved fast, almost as fast as comics, and there was satisfaction to be had on every single page. Were they great literature? Of course not. But they didn’t need to be.

No. They didn’t. Not for me, nor my brother or any of us who devoured those adventures. It was this eclectic mix of books borrowed from the mobile library, our cherished comics, and the thick volumes of Great Britannica encyclopedias that planted in us an unshakable love for the printed word, a passion for books. Behind this, were parents who cared not what we read but only that we read. They spent a small fortune on those weekly comics throughout our childhood, more volumes of The Encyclopedia Britannica and annuals every Christmas that included an updated Guinness Book of Records, and, as we grew older, the classics appeared in beautiful hard-bound leather editions.

In my sixties now, the halcyon days of the NEELB mobile library are in my rear-view mirror.  How I loved it. And, it loved me back, unconditionally, granting me free access to experiences and places that would otherwise have been beyond my grasp. I think it was the greatest gift my mother ever gave me—taking me to that space filled with books. I could borrow any one I wanted. “Get whatever you want, pet.” Again and again.

I was what author Philip Pullman once described as one of the “citizens of the republic of reading. Only the public library can give them that gift.” For anyone who questions the value of public libraries or the power of reading to forever change the trajectory of a child’s life, he would say this:

 But what a gift to give a child, this chance to discover that you can love a book and the characters in it, you can become their friend and share their adventures in your own imagination.And the secrecy of it! The blessed privacy! No-one else can get in the way, no-one else can invade it, no-one else even knows what’s going on in that wonderful space that opens up between the reader and the book. That open democratic space full of thrills, full of excitement and fear, full of astonishment, where your own emotions and ideas are given back to you clarified, magnified, purified, valued. You’re a citizen of that great democratic space that opens up between you and the book. And the body that gave it to you is the public library. Can I possibly convey the magnitude of that gift?

And I would agree.

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Primavera Forever.

23 Sunday Feb 2025

Posted by Editor in Memoir

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Awesome Women, City Trees, Cora Mallay, Edna St. Vincent Mallay, Feminism, Mother daughter relationship, Trees

backgroundEdna St. Vincent Mallay, who brought us the candle burning at both ends, was born on February 22nd 1892, a woman before her time. Enchanting, bold, and brilliant, her poetry was described by Thomas Hardy as one of America’s two greatest attractions—the other was the skyscraper.

In Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Mallay, biographer Nancy Milford  clocks the poet as the herald of the New Woman:

She smoked in public when it was against the law for women to do so. She lived in Greenwich Village during the halcyon days of that starry bohemia, she slept with men and women and wrote about it in lyrics and sonnets that blazed with wit and a sexual daring that captivated the nation.

Poring over thousands of papers and letters, and with the cooperation of Millay’s sister, Norma, biographer Nancy Milford learns how this ‘New Woman” evolved. It was her mother, Cora, who urged her daughters  towards a fierce and unconventional independence, having asked their father to leave the family home in 1899. Cora taught them to love music and literature from an early age. In Mallay’s scrapbooks are preserved performance programs, photographs, and early writings of the first woman poet to win the Pulitzer. Empowered by her devoted mother, Edna St. Vincent Mallay was performing and writing when she was just five years old.

When I think of all that I wish for my daughter and that which my mother still hopes for me, I recognize Cora Mallay’s fierceness. A little of it probably resides in me—ormidable and uncompromising.

 . . . was not like anyone else’s mother. Yes. She was ambitious for us. Of course she was! She made us – oh, not ordinary!

We all want to be “not ordinary,” to matter while making our respective marks on the world.

As the sun shimmered on the road to Guadalajara yesterday, I looked up and through the blossoming yellow trees lining the freeway, I  thought of Edna St. Vincent Mallay, whose childhood pulsated with her love of nature, poetry, and music. Of those formative years, she would later recall, “it never rained in those days” . . .

Those days where it’s always Spring.

City Trees

The trees along this city street,
Save for the traffic and the trains,
Would make a sound as thin and sweet
As trees in country lanes.

And people standing in their shade
Out of a shower, undoubtedly
Would hear such music as is made
Upon a country tree.

Oh, little leaves that are so dumb
Against the shrieking city air,
I watch you when the wind has come,—
I know what sound is there.

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the write stuff … for valentine’s day

13 Thursday Feb 2025

Posted by Editor in Being a Widow, Facebook, Friendship, Loss, Love, Memoir, Milestones, Rites of passage, Rituals, Social Media, Themes of childhood, Valentines Day, widowed

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A Life in Letters, Advice, Air Mail, E-mail, Friendship, Letter Writing, Letters home, Letters of Note, long distance relationships, Love, marriage advice, matters of the heart, Memoir, Michael Reagan, Nancy Reagan, Par Avion, President Ronald Reagan, Shaun Usher, Skype, social media, telegram, Telephone, Themes of childhood, treasure chest, Unbound books, Valentine's Day, Words of Wisdom, Writing

I have conducted many of the most significant relationships in my life almost entirely by telephone. With so many miles of ocean or freeway stretching between our houses, it has been easier to carry on conversations from the comfort of our own homes. There is always something to talk about even when there is nothing to talk about.

Once upon a time, before WhatsApp and Facebook, there were long-distance phone calls with my mother. We would schedule these for odd hours during weekends when we could be less circumspect about the time difference and the cost per minute. There were also sporadic phone calls from childhood friends, the rhythm of home so achingly familiar, we would fall easily and softly into conversation, picking up from where we left off years before.

By telephone, we delivered and received the most important news of our lives—the kind that cannot be shared quickly enough: “I got the job!” “She said yes!” “We’re having a baby!” “It’s a girl!” to the stuff that startles the silence too early in the morning or too late at night to be anything good. From a tiny village in Wales, news from an old friend that her husband had been killed outright in a car accident: “My darling is gone! My darling is gone! Gone!” From me in a parking lot outside a Scottsdale hospital, to my best friend, who, fingers crossed waiting for “benign,” answers before the end of the first ring, only to hear, “I have cancer.”  A couple of years passed before it was my turn to wait on the other end of the line on another continent while she, parked outside my Phoenix home, told me on a bad connection that, yes, both my car and his were parked in the driveway, that, yes, our little dog, Edgar, was inside sitting on the couch, silently staring back at her. My ear pressed hard to the phone, I heard her open the front door and tentatively call my husband’s name once, twice, and then after a third time, the words traveling over the wires “He’s passed away! He’s passed away! Oh, he’s so cold. I’m so sorry.” And then the hanging up so she could make another call to 9.1.1. And then I was back on the line again to listen to the sounds of my sunny little house on the other side of the world fill up with kind and efficient strangers from the police and fire departments, the crisis management team, and then the people from the sole mortuary that agreed to take my husband’s body even though there was some unresolved fuss over who would sign the death certificate.

If nobody would sign it, perhaps he wasn’t dead.

“Are you sure he’s dead?” I breathed into the phone.

“Yes. He’s dead. He’s dead. Yes. I’m so sorry. He’s dead. He’s gone.”

Gone.

Thus, two best friends are connected in an ephemeral silence with nothing to hold on to. 

Nothing. 


In a different time, I would have received a telegram, or a hand-written letter. Words on paper deal the blow differently—better than the surreal real-time of a phone call. Sitting down to write a letter brings more time to shape our tidings with the very best words we have.

The best words are still inadequate.

The letter-writing of my youth has fallen out of favor generally, snuffed out by e-mails and texts that, regardless of font and typeface, emoji and GIF, are just not the same.  I miss what Simon Garfield says we have lost by relinquishing “the post, the envelope, a pen, a slower cerebral whirring, the use of the whole of our hands and not just the tips of our fingers,” I miss walking out to a brick mailbox, to find the red, white and blue trimmed letter that was its own envelope, thin as onion-skin, marked By Air Mail, Par Avion. I used to imagine its journey and all the hands it passed through on its way from a red pillar box in a Northern Ireland village across the Atlantic Ocean to me in the desert southwest of the United States. I miss the creases and ink-smudges; the tea-stained ring of my mother’s cup; and, the barely there fragrance of her soap.

I have saved so many of them. Along with faded picture postcards, they are in a cardboard box, waiting to be reread, immortal reminders of people I treasure and who treasure me. I cannot say the same of my textual exchanges.


I have been living in Mexico since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. I don’t know if there is a mailman here. I have yet to see him, but still check the letterbox in our front door every day. Although it never arrives on time, there is always a card from my mother —the envelope marked par avion—to mark my birthday and Christmas, and a Northern Ireland calendar.

To send or receive a letter, I’ll drive about a mile to a shop between here and the lovely little village which four years later has returned to normal after on-again-off-again lockdowns, mask mandates, social distancing protocols, new vaccines, new variants, and never-ending social media debates about all of these. These days, the online discourse has shifted to Trump and Elon Musk and how the world as we know it is a) over or b) entering the ‘golden age.’ I’m not sure people are exchanging letters about this.

Nonetheless, in the heady days of 2020, the United States Postal Service reported that letter writing had  increased, perhaps gaining more interest because unlike digital and disposable exchanges, letters require a little more labor, a little more intention. You have to find your best pen, write the letter, place it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and send it.

You have to slow down – even as the world around you spins at breakneck speed.

In part, these are the sentiments behind the Letters of Note website, a homage to the craft of letter-writing. Editor, Shaun Usher, has painstakingly collected and transcribed letters, memos, and telegrams that deserve a wider audience. Among my favorite books is this beautiful book of letters.  Because I am of a time when telegrams came from America and other places, to be read by the Best Man at wedding receptions, I opted for the collectible first edition. It arrived in my Phoenix mailbox along with an old-fashioned telegram.

Anyway, considering telegrams and old letters, and the heart laid bare on stationery this Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share some advice from then future President Ronald Reagan to his son, Michael.

Regardless of what I may think of Reagan as a President, there is both heart and craft in this love letter, originally published in Reagan – A Life in Letters. 

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Michael Reagan

Manhattan Beach, California
June 1971

Dear Mike:

Enclosed is the item I mentioned (with which goes a torn up IOU). I could stop here but I won’t.

You’ve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the ‘unhappy marrieds’ and cynics. Now, in case no one has suggested it, there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was ’til three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. 

The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn’t take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.

Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love,

Dad

P.S. You’ll never get in trouble if you say ‘I love you’ at least once a day.

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Yvonne writes a fortnightly column for her hometown newspaper, The Antrim Guardian

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From there to here . . .

Yvonne hails from Antrim, Northern Ireland, and has lived in the desert southwest of the United States for almost thirty years. Married, with a daughter who is navigating her path through the "teen tunnel," and a haughty cat, Atticus, she has spent the better part of the last three decades in the classroom as a student, teacher, and administrator. Her mid-life crisis came as a sneaky Stage II invasive breast cancer diagnosis which subsequently sent her to the blogosphere where she found a virtual home away from home . . .
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