Writing by Yvonne Watterson

~ considering the lilies & lessons from the field ©

Writing by Yvonne Watterson

Monthly Archives: July 2024

if my books could talk to you …

09 Tuesday Jul 2024

Posted by Editor in Art, Artisans, Awesome Women, Books, Cat Stevens, Crafts, Educating Rita, Field of Dreams, Fiftieth Birthday, Memoir, Mother's Day, Ordinary Things, Seamus Heaney, Willy Russell

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bookcases, books, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Field of Dreams, George Eliot, Great Gatsby, Hollywood, James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, Red Badge of Courage, These Diversions: Reading, Virginia Woolf

Scrolling through social media earlier, I spotted an update that on this day 40 years ago, Bob Dylan played at Slane Castle in Ireland. I was there. I don’t remember all the details — it’s been 40 years — but I remember UB40 and Santana and Van Morrison played too and that Bono joined Dylan on “Blowing in the Wind” and improvised the lyrics. Seriously. Nostalgic and forgetting who went with me, I updated my Facebook status with this information adding that I still have my ticket stub which prompted a friend to comment “My god – you still have your ticket stub??? How much stuff did you move to Mexico with you??”

I’m not sure how to quantify the amount of stuff I brought with me, but I can tell you it includes all my favorite books, one of which is my stub book crammed with set-lists and concert tickets.

Book-wrapt

Having said that, my collection of books is smaller than ever, pared down when I knew I would be moving to Mexico over four years ago. I remember sitting on my living room floor in Phoenix, asking every single book, “Are you important enough to move to a new country with me?” with a follow-up question to myself, “How many books do I really need?” What is the magic number? I suppose I need enough to feel “book-wrapt,” a term coined by Reid Byers, author of The Private Library: Being a More Or Less Compendious Disquisition on the History of the Architecture and Furnishing of the Domestic Bookroom to describe the way a well-stocked personal library should make us feel:

“Entering our library should feel like easing into a hot tub, strolling into a magic store, emerging into the orchestra pit, or entering a chamber of curiosities, the club, the circus, our cabin on an outbound yacht, the house of an old friend … It is a setting forth, and it is a coming back to center.“

So how many?

Byers maintains that 500 books ensures that a room will “begin to feel like a library.” On the other hand, the library he kept at the end of his bunk on an aircraft carrier in Vietnam although “very highly valued, it probably didn’t have 30 books in it.” I’m not sure how my book collection measures up. I’m not even sure I would even call it a library, but it definitely feels like part of whatever home means. I love my books. I love how they look, and the stories behind how they came to be permanent fixtures in my life.

A minute or two spent scanning the contents of a bookshelf – mine or yours – can tell a lot about the owner’s personality, pastimes, and passions. The more interesting books have tell-tale signs of wear —dog-eared pages and marginalia – chunks of underlined text, doodles, scribbles, exclamation points, question marks, even profanities from a reader giving the author a piece of her mind. Some also might have Dewey Decimal numbers on the spine because they may belong to a library …

Marginalia matters. If not for marking up a book, we wouldn’t know that when Nelson Mandela was imprisoned in South Africa, some of the inmates circulated a Shakespeare book 1975 and 1978. Mandela wrote his name next to the passage from Julius Caesar that reads, ‘Cowards die many times before their deaths.’

To this day, I read with pen in hand. Making my marks in a book makes it mine. I can revisit those margins whenever I choose, go back to my side of a conversation with the author and pause to remember that earlier version of myself, younger, curious, and perhaps more naive. One day someone may land on something I highlighted in a book and wonder WTF I was thinking.

Books allow us to be solitary and sociable at the same time. As an introvert-extrovert (at least that what I think I am), this appeals to me.

Book Arranging

Loving books is one thing, but it wasn’t until I began packing them in boxes that I took an interest in the physical space they had occupied in my bookcase. Incongruously, a paperback copy of Thomas Hardy’s Return of the Native had, for sixteen years, leaned up against a second-hand copy of What to Expect when You’re Expecting passed along to me when I was expecting. Maybe I kept it, thinking I might expect another baby one day and wanted to remember what to expect. For almost a decade, a copy of The Good Friday Peace Agreement (signed for me one morning In Arizona by the late Irish Taoiseach John Bruton) was sandwiched unceremoniously between Bob Dylan’s Bringing it all Back Home vinyl record (carried with me from Belfast to New York in 1987), and a large illustrated Beowulf. Maybe the move to Mexico would bring some order.

Almost a century ago, Hugh Walpole would have agreed:

I believe it then to be quite simply true that books have their own very personal feeling about their place on the shelves. They like to be close to suitable companions, and I remember once on coming into my library that I was persistently disturbed by my Jane Eyre. Going up to it, wondering what was the matter with it, restless because of it, I only after a morning’s uneasiness discovered that it had been placed next to my Jane Austens, and anyone who remembers how sharply Charlotte criticized Jane will understand why this would never do.

Hugh Walpole, These Diversions: Reading, 1926

When it comes to arranging books on shelves, I need someone with a critical eye and zero tolerance for those books she knows I haven’t read. By ‘someone,’ I mean my mother, who brings a take-no-prisoners to this kind of task. If it hasn’t been worn in a year, or if she suspects that it’s hanging in my closet for “sentimental reasons,” (like she knit it for me or bought it for me in 1987), then it must be placed in the big black trash bag which will then go to a charitable organization or a consignment store. I have often thought about hiring a professional to organize my closet, but I’m afraid of the prospect of being one of “those people” on a reality program on The Learning Channel. I can see myself clearly, mortified in my own front yard by the contents of my closet spread out on the grass and then judged in the glare of a camera crew, by a TV audience and an energetic host as I ask each item if it gives me joy. The answer will determine if it is placed in a box labelled Keep, Toss or Donate.

Before my husband died, I had bought his favorite cologne and kept it in a drawer, unopened, for over 7 years. I never got to give it to him and I never figured out what to do with it. For all I know, the person who bought my house may have found it in the back of a drawer in the bathroom. Just one of those things.

For some reason this takes me to Field of Dreams. If you’ve seen the movie, you might remember Alicia as the wife of Burt Lancaster’s Doc “Moonlight” Graham. We find out about her in that beautiful scene in a bar in Chisholm, Minnesota, where James Earl Jones finds out from an old-timer that

… she moved to South Carolina after Doc passed. She passed a couple years later. She always wore blue. The shopkeepers in town would stock blue hats because they knew if Doc walked by, he’d buy one. When they cleaned out his office, they found boxes of blue hats that he never got around to give her. I’ll bet you didn’t know that …

Field of Dreams

Cleaning up your Bookshelves

While the literati are not coming to party at my house, I can still relate to Bella, friend of Independent columnist, John Walsh, — “your collection of books can say terrible things about you.” Unlike Bella, however, I’m unlikely to be rubbing shoulders with celebrities in the publishing world any time soon, so I’m not sure why the absence – or inclusion – of certain books on my shelves matters. For instance, there’s a blue hardcover 1984. Not the one by George Orwell – rather, it is my diary from the same year, bringing to mind Willy Russell’s Rita, brilliantly played by Julie Waters, as she shouts from the train window to Michael Caine’s Professor Frank Bryant, a line from The Importance of Being Earnest, a play I was delighted to find for just two bucks, along with 20 other brilliant comedies in a first edition Cavalcade of Comedy at the 1996 VNSA booksale in Phoenix.

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train”

I think it was the remake of The Great Gatsby that initially caused me to reassess the order of my books. I had re-read it during my Post-Mastectomy Period (PMP), so Daisy, Nick, and Gatsby calling people “old sport” and all those lavish parties were still fresh in my head when the new movie came out. Over Happy Hour one Friday, my best friend and I performed our post-mortem on the film which led to a discussion of Fitzgerald and Hemingway. I found myself admitting that I have never read anything by Ernest Hemingway. Never. I suppose to make me feel better, she told me she hated Charles Dickens. And then we both confessed that we hate Moby Dick. The floodgates opened. I detest Les Miserables, and I even fell asleep during a performance of the musical version. I know. It feels almost criminal to say out loud that the longest running musical of all time leaves me cold, and downright treasonous to also admit that I think James Joyce is over-celebrated.

I have never finished his Ulysees, nor am I sure I ever really started it at its start, given the many beginnings within its pages. Of Joyce’s “Dubliners” I only like “The Dead,” a superb short story. Were it not for Brodie’s Notes, which I imagine are equivalent to the American Cliffs Notes, I don’t imagine I could have answered  a single question about E.M. Forster’s Room with a View or Howards End. I don’t like Virginia Woolf either. I might even be a little afraid of her. I think the same might be true for George Eliot, who, until I was in college, I assumed was male. Then there’s Jane Austen. Emma wore me out, and I didn’t pick up Pride and Prejudice until my PMP (see above). Even then, in the lingering haze from three days of Dilaudid coursing through my system, I just couldn’t understand what was so great about Mr. Darcy.  And, I have remained oblivious to what has been coined The Darcy Effect. There must be something wrong with me.

Since I’m telling the truth about my books as they sit there looking at me, still waiting to be properly arranged, I wonder, guiltily, if any of the fifth graders I taught over thirty years ago remember that Spring morning when I announced the next class novel, Stephen Crane’s Red Badge of Courage. I passed out the books and then began reading aloud, because I was the best reader in the class and it’s important for kids to hear good reading. We soldiered through the first few pages, me reading with as much expression as I could muster, but we all knew the time wasn’t right. Remembering I was in charge, I quietly told them to close their books and put them back on the shelf for another day (which never came that year). From my bag, I pulled out my high school English textbook and read to them instead Liam O’Flaherty’s “The Sniper” hoping that the last startling sentence would teach them all they needed to know about the tragedy of war.  None of the parents complained that I had strayed from the curriculum and abandoned an American classic for an Irish short story, but then they probably never found out, their children probably telling them “Nothing!” when asked what they did at school that day.

For her first official book report, my daughter read Under the Hawthorne Tree, a book I recall with fondness from my childhood, the story of three children trying to survive the Irish Famine. My daughter had spied it in my bookcase, part of The Belfast Telegraph’s Children’s Collection my mother had saved for her. Knowing it would resonate with her sense of justice, I grabbed the opportunity to tell her about The Great Famine, knowing she was unlikely to learn much if anything about it in an Arizona classroom. Somewhat ironically, a headline in the Belfast Telegraph, Children Turn Away From Books in Favour of Reading Electronically, made me appreciate all the more, that my daughter was and continues to read books made of paper. Thinking of Belfast and all that continues to simmer just below the surface, I wonder why nobody thought to require To Kill a Mockingbird for GCSE O level English in the 1980s. Although set in a small Alabama town in the 1930s, many of us in Northern Ireland could have learned a thing or two about fairness and goodness – and about humanity – from Atticus Finch, at a time when our we needed it so much.  Instead we trudged through Richard Church’s autobiography, Over the Bridge. And it was torture.

With all of this off my chest, I feel better about the books I have brought to Mexico. There’s my Choice of Poets textbook, my collections of Seamus Heaney’s poetry, the little blue book of Irish Short Stories, out-of-print Belfast Reviews, and old Rolling Stone and Life magazines.  Still, I wish Independent columnist John Walsh was here to help the way he did when called upon to edit his friend Bella’s library:

I had to re-jig it, alphabetize it, eliminate the once-trendy, excise the cheesy and ill-advised, and bring together all the books that had been lying for years in bedroom, lavabo and kitchen and behind the sofa. My function was like that of Hercules cleaning out the Augean stables, until no trace of Paulo Coelho remained.

When the literati come to party, it’s time to clean up your bookshelves – John Walsh

My Ideal Bookshelf

Walsh points out that a proper bookcase, one in a mature middle-class household, should contain only books. Reference books do not belong there; rather, their place is close to a desk, and poetry needs its own section. Now we’re on to something. Knowing that you can only eat the elephant one bite at a time, and inspired by My Ideal Bookshelf, I have arranged some of my bookshelves with a nod to the women who have helped me find my way in the world with good humor and a sense of home, and some Bob Dylan for good measure:

The Sshh … I’m reading coffee cup just happened to be sitting there when my daughter rendered, by hand, these drawings for my 50th birthday, over a decade ago.

There is of course a place in my bookspace for Seamus Heaney. Naturally. The Irish cottage was a gift to my father over 60 years ago from a Professor Coyle’s wife who lived in a house named “One Acre” on the Belfast Road. She had decided, well into her sixties which was considered ‘a big age’ back home in those days, that she would learn to drive. As a favor, my father taught her—he taught practically everyone I knew to drive. To thank him, and knowing it would appeal to his love of things found in nature, Mrs. Coyle painted the little cottage on an angular remnant of a spruce tree, the bark serving as an approximation of a thatched roof with smoke streaming from a turf fire. He passed it along to me some years ago, and it has been at home with my Heaney books ever since.

With a flourish to end his day of transforming Bella’s library into a thing of beauty, John Walsh placed on her coffee table, “with a bookmark at page 397” a copy of Seamus Heaney’s Stepping Stones, a collection of conversations with my favorite poet.

By coincidence the same book is at home with me in Mexico. On my coffee-table …

I wonder what we’ll have to say to each other today.

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It ain’t over … this land was made for you and me.

04 Thursday Jul 2024

Posted by Editor in American Dream, Bruce Springsteen, Themes of Childhood

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A Nation of Immigrants, Donald Trump, immigration, Joe Biden, July 4th, Project 2025, Rock 'n' roll, Springsteen

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band performed at Phoenix's Footprint Center on March 19, 2024.When he announced he was going to tour again, I knew I’d be there, probably somewhere in the nosebleed section. As it turns out, our seats were great for the first night of his American tour in Phoenix. “Do you feel the spirit?” a happy and healthy looking 74 year old Springsteen asked when he took the stage right on time, and about 20,000 of us roared back that yes, yes we did. We felt it for the next few hours and you could see it on our faces when we emptied out onto Jefferson Street, “I’ll See you in My Dreams” ringing in our ears.

Since 1984, I have seen Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band a dozen times, and there isn’t a 4th of July – or a Presidential race – when I don’t think of him. When I’m asked why I came to America, I know they know from something in my response that Bruce Springsteen is a part of it. And, every Fourth of July in Phoenix,  when fireworks flash and fly across the desert sky, I found myself transported back to a twilight over Slane Castle, lit up with music and the notion of America.

I am young, and had I not been awake, I would have missed it

. . . the whole of me a-patter,
Alive and ticking like an electric fence:
Had I not been awake I would have missed it

~ Seamus Heaney

My first rock ‘n’ roll concert at Slane Castle was in 1982 for The Rolling Stones “farewell tour.”  The Stones were saying goodbye. Goodbye. Warming up for them were the J. Geils Band, The Chieftains, and George Thorogood and the Destroyers. As you all know, The Stones continued to say goodbye as recently as this year …

Screen Shot 2016-03-09 at 6.45.44 PMIn 1984,  I found myself back at Slane to see UB40, Santana, and Bob Dylan. Too, there was the sweet surprise of Van Morrison  joining Dylan on stage to sing “Tupelo Honey.” As I recall, Bono showed up as well and in front of all of us – and Bob Dylan – he improvised, making up his own lyrics to “Blowin’ in the Wind.” Who does that?bob-002

And on June 1, 1985 – where my mind is this morning – America came to Ireland when Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band made their Irish debut.

The previous summer, I had been in the United States, the Born in the USA tour in full swing and was lucky to have been upstate New York at the same time as Springsteen. I saw him perform at Saratoga Springs and again in September, when a trip to Niagara Falls with an American cousin included a Springsteen show in Buffalo.

I knew Ireland was in for a treat, and when tickets went on sale, I also bought one for my little brother. It would be his first concert – a seminal moment in his musical education. bruceticket Imagine it. Close to 100,000 of us making a pilgrimage through the sleepy – and disapproving – village of Slane to see The Boss. Between assurances of increased security and a promise – as yet unfulfilled – that this would be the last rock concert to disturb them, the residents had been placated. Even the weather cooperated with the kind of sun-drenched day we Irish pray for. Some said it was the hottest day on record in Ireland.

Everybody was young, even the weather-beaten old farmers who let us use their fields as parking lots, and when the band burst on stage with a thunderous “Born in the USA,” everybody was Irish, even Bruce. When he turned his baseball cap backwards and bragged, “I had a grandmother from here,” the crowd erupted.

BruceSlane

Although we all basked in his pride that day, the reality was that our weather was rarely that sunny, and thousands of us would soon be forced out of Ireland as economic immigrants, collectively the “brain drain” of the 1980s.

Across the water, Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister; farther afield, the Berlin wall was still standing; and, in Ireland, divorce was still illegal and condoms had barely become available without a prescription. But on that glorious day, in spite of the economic and political truths of Ireland, and the ever-diminishing possibilities before us, a defiant Springsteen held us aloft, and we believed in America.

I have always counted on Springsteen to stand up and say it loud for people like me, for immigrants seeking America. I have always known I could count on Bruce more than presidential contenders hell-bent on convincing me  that the idea of America is unraveling.

After the events of this week, I began to wonder. Is America over? It’s very foundation has certainly been challenged in lasting and troubling ways.  What do I know? I am not a politician or a rockstar. I’m just a girl with bad hair and a fearless heart and – after three decades working in public education and paying attention to politics –  a conviction that we have lost our way.

Springsteen once told a reporter that he wasn’t cut out for the traditional school system:

I wasn’t quite suited for the educational system. One problem with the way the educational system is set up is that it only recognizes a certain type of intelligence, and it’s incredibly restrictive — very, very restrictive. There’s so many types of intelligence, and people who would be at their best outside of that structure get lost.

Agreed. The Boss was probably on to something, but we know that Bruce Springsteen will never be an elected official. We also know he will never be a politician who would vilify immigrants or the working poor like the kind of politician who fancies himself American’s next King.

In A Nation of Immigrants, John F. Kennedy wrote that

 Immigration policy should be generous; it should be fair; it should be flexible. With such a policy we can turn to the world, and to our own past, with clean hands and a clear conscience.

Over half a century later, such a policy remains elusive. Why is that? Why? We’re learning why.

In the past few weeks, while Bruce Springsteen has been touring the world in places some Americans are considering as escape destinations, education and immigration among other critical issues for the democracy are under scrutiny.

America is in new trouble, the most recent debacle occurring just days ago when the highest court in the land elevated American Presidents to monarch status. Surely the Justices see the irony in that?

Now, I haven’t read all 900 pages of Project 2025,  funded to the tune of $22M byThe Heritage Foundation think tank which has been producing similar policy documents as part of its Mandate for Leaderships series since the 1980s. With input from more than 100 conservative organizations, Project 2025’s language is showing up in Trump speeches, reflecting the following broad goals:

  • restore the family as the centerpiece of American life
  • dismantle the administrative state
  • defend the nation’s sovereignty and borders
  • secure God-given individual rights to live freely.

A closer look at the practical implementation of these ideas is more troubling:

  • Government: Project 2025 proposes that the entire federal bureaucracy be paced under direct presidential control (including agencies like the Department of Justice) and also calls for elimination of the Department of Education as well as the FBI which the writers cast as a “bloated, arrogant, increasingly lawless organization” and calls for drastic overhauls of this and other federal agencies, including elimination of the Department of Education.Immigration
  • Immigration: more funding for the wall on Trump’s US-Mexico border and more increases on fees for immigrant applications
  • The Climate: cutting federal funding for research and investment in renewable energy; calls for America’s next president to “stop the war on oil and natural gas”.
  • Education:  Project 2025 calls for school choice and parental control over schools, and targets “woke propaganda”. Also proposes eradicating a long list of terms from ALL laws and regulations that include “sexual orientation”, “diversity, equity, and inclusion”, “gender equality”, “abortion” and “reproductive rights”

Add to this, Heritage president’s Kevin Roberts statement during a podcast this week, during which he raised the prospect of political violence:

We are in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be,”

On this day, when we mark the birth of America and the foundations of its Constitution and celebrate life, liberty, and happiness, I find myself wondering – for just a minute – if those things are intended only for the whitest and wealthiest among us. And then I pull myself together. America belongs to you and me. Remember that.

Today, my best wishes for the 4th of July are with the truth-tellers, especially those in the media who will continue to tell us what we need to know – about Project 2024, about the unbecoming behavior of Justice Alito and his wife, Justice  Clarence Thomas and his wife, about why we should question why Biden’s advanced age matters but Trump’s crimes don’t … and on and on.

The more we know, the better we’ll do. America isn’t over.

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I dissent. An American Story.

03 Wednesday Jul 2024

Posted by Editor in Dispatch from the Diaspora, Northern Ireland Expat in Mexico

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

American Dream, Irish DIASPORA, Joe Biden, Project 2025, Supreme Court

I can barely remember a time when I did not feel the lure of America – the dream of it. For me, as a child growing up in a very troubled Northern Ireland, America was always the promise of a sunny day. My grandmother was responsible for this. Although she died when I was very young, she is vibrant in my mind’s eye. I can still hear her voice, gentle but urgent, coaxing her daughter – my mother – to follow the sun as she had once done.

In the 1920s, she and my grandfather had emigrated to America, settling in Connecticut. They loved the boundless opportunities before them and knew they had made the right move, but a relentless stream of letters from back home, guilt-spiced reminders of familial obligation, ultimately pulled them back across the ocean to rural Derry, with their American-born children – four sons and a daughter.

My grandmother isn’t smiling in the photograph that would be placed in the family passport and stamped as she boarded the boat to return to a part of the world that would one day enchant the global literati as Nobel Laureate poet Seamus Heaney’s HomePlace. But in 1932, the farmhouse on the Broagh road was an austere and unwelcoming place for my grandmother and her young American children.

Defeated, with an air of resignation that stayed with her always, she and my grandfather resumed the known and expected ways of ‘home,’ abandoning forever the glittering possibilities in America. Within six years, their family was complete with two more daughters, one of whom is my mother.

There was little opportunity and no easy money for them. As a matter of economic necessity, the family was ‘off the grid,’ all of them resigned to hard work. There was, my mother tells me, a vague awareness of education as a way up and out, but it wasn’t really enforced beyond my grandmother’s mantra that “the pen was easier handled than the spade.” For my grandmother, America would always be the best option. She urged my parents to go for it, knowing my dad’s entrepreneurial spirit would have paid off. Yes, it would. But the right time to leave Northern Ireland eluded my parents.

A Spectacular Risk

For me, it was different. I grew up unafraid to take what Doris Kearns Goodwin once called that “spectacular risk” – to leave my home country. In the late 1980s, as Northern Ireland’s Troubles raged around me, I left. I suppose I was something of a cliche, part of the “brain drain.” Young, well-educated, a bit wild, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and maybe live out my grandmother’s dream. I remember I wrote a clever poem to the local bank manager – I really did – and subsequently got an overdraft to pay my fare to New York.

I packed my backpack and off I went, looking for America. Just like that.

I loved what awaited me. I loved diners and convenience stores that were conveniently open 24 hours a day and roads that went on forever. I loved cars that I had only seen in movies and I loved percolated coffee and bagels and New York style pizza by the slice. I loved bowling alleys, and I loved baseball. I didn’t understand it, but I loved it. I loved the Champion store in Hyde Park or maybe it was Poughkeepsie, where I bought T-shirts with the names of baseball teams emblazoned on them. I loved the road-trip that would eventually take me from upstate New York to Phoenix, Arizona.

I thought I was in a Bruce Springsteen song.

Much to the chagrin of my parents, my first job was in a Phoenix bar. A dive bar by any other name. With my Northern Ireland accent and the right amount of naiveté about America, I was the main source of amusement for the men who stopped by for a shot and a beer after their shift at a nearby manufacturing plant. They greeted me every day with “Hey Irish, gimme a beer.” And, I’d ask what color because I hadn’t memorized yellow for Coors, silver for Coors Light, blue for Miller Lite etc. My beer knowledge was limited to Guinness, Harp, or Bass. Those avuncular guys taught me how to play liar’s poker and cribbage, and they took care of me, making sure I got home safely to my apartment every night. The best part of the job was that I was also in charge of the jukebox and every couple of weeks I’d go to a big warehouse somewhere in Phoenix, where I perused aisles of 45s and brought back the ones I liked. That jukebox had a new lease on life by the time I was finished.

The worst part of the job happened one morning, following a hasty tutorial on how to make cocktails. The bartender had decided it was high time I graduated from serving beer in colored cans to making mixed drinks. When Cliff, one of my favorite customers walked in at 10am, instead of serving up his regular bourbon, I offered him one of my new concoctions. I don’t remember what he chose, but he thought it was cute that I had written down all the recipes in my little notebook and that I was planning to learn them off by heart.

Casting the Stones of Silence

While he drank his free cocktail, pretending to like it, we chatted about nothing important, mostly about how hot it was already. It was quiet, the jukebox silent, the AC humming. Two men I didn’t know were at the other end of the bar, smoking and talking low. As I stood there, cutting lemons and limes to garnish my new cocktails, not a care in the world, one of those men called out to the owner, back in the kitchen and out of sight. “Hey Bud, since when do you allow the help to talk to n****ers?” Silence. Again. “I said since when do you allow the help to talk to n***ers?”

I froze.

I was afraid. Instantly, I recognized it as the same fear I had felt years before, when I turned a page of the Belfast Telegraph to see a black and white photo of a young Catholic woman who had been stripped and tied to a lamp-post, hot tar and feathers poured on her roughly shorn head, because she had committed the crime of falling in love with a British soldier. I wasn’t in America anymore – I was back in 1970s Northern Ireland.

I chose to say nothing to those two men. I was too scared, and I was also ashamed that I was too scared. To Cliff, I mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.” He looked right in my eyes, not with anger but with a kind of resignation that told me he was used to it. He picked up his hat, put it on his head, stood up, and walked out the door. He left a $20 tip. I never saw him again.

If you’re still reading, let me describe the scope of my naiveté. I had assumed there would be no racism in 1980s America. To explain this, let me take you back to my adolescence, to Sunday evenings in our Dublin Road living room, when my parents and I – along with everyone else we knew – gathered around a tiny television to watch ‘Roots.’ We were horrified when Kunta Kinte was sold into slavery in America and whipped within an inch of his life for trying to escape. Aghast, we watched every episode. As the entire country seemed to be galvanized by the story unfolding on Roots every Sunday night, I suppose we all held onto the notion that surely America would have learned and subsequently adopted a kinder, gentler attitude. And surely America would be kinder and gentler than 1980s Northern Ireland.

“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free …”

But that morning in a dive bar in Phoenix, Arizona, I couldn’t have been farther away from Gambia, West Africa in 1750, Kunta Kinte’s place of birth. I couldn’t have been farther away from the Dream of America. I couldn’t have been further away from the right thing to do. I said nothing. I have never forgiven myself for casting the stones of silence.

You know where this is going. That morning in the bar taught me a hard reality about America – one that has resurfaced many times in recent years for all of us, captured on cell-phones and broadcast all over the world.

I stayed in America for almost 30 years, always confident that I find the Dream of it. I fell madly in love with an American man and married him and together we bought the house that would become the home where we raised our daughter. I eventually left the bar and found a grown-up job in public education. I was good at it too. I worked hard. I paid my taxes. Because I wasn’t a citizen, I couldn’t vote.

Earning the right to vote

I participated in civic live in other ways. I helped register voters, knowing that voting is perhaps the most important privilege of democracy in the USA. Maybe I delayed my decision to become a citizen because I felt a kind of guilt for all the other immigrants in Arizona – especially my immigrant students – who couldn’t vote. Even though they had lived there since they were very young, perhaps even taking their first steps or speaking their first words on American soil. Even though they pledged allegiance to the flag every day in school, they couldn’t vote, nor were they permitted to apply for a social security number which would allow them to work, drive, enjoy all the benefits afforded to those like my American daughter who was born here. I devoted a great deal of time to working on behalf of undocumented kids. That work is unfinished, and as I write, many of these immigrants are in jeopardy.

I couldn’t vote in the 2016 election that placed Donald Trump in the White House. His election is what finally motivated me to pursue American citizenship. I wanted to vote. I wanted my voice to be heard. Because I had the means to do so, I hired an immigration attorney to help me with the process. There was a lengthy application, a $670 fee, an interview during which a USCIS officer assessed my civic knowledge with 10 random questions from the 100 question citizenship test. Then there was the ceremony in November 2019, where, along with new Americans representing 70 countries, I raised my right hand and swore to support and defend the Constitution of the United States. I have no adequate words to describe the collective disappointed and disgusted groan that emanated from an audience of hundreds that morning when we were directed to watch the screen for a message from then President, Donald Trump. This is not hyperbole. It was the sound of damage done.

A woman from England stood next to me. She and I chose to look away from the screen, and afterwords we wondered if such a thing had ever happened at a swearing-in ceremony before. I doubt it. I couldn’t imagine a video message from Carter, Ford, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, or Obama eliciting such an immediate and negative response from a crowd of families and friends of freshly minted immigrants waving Old Glory.

America unfinished

I left the United States two months later. For better. And, on September 18, 2020, I voted for the first time in any election. Absentee voting is not an option in Ireland. And, because of rules about the length of time away between elections, I am also ineligible to vote in Northern Ireland/UK. I poured a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table in a house in Mexico to vote for Joe Biden. As I uploaded my vote, a news update flashed on my phone that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died. I remember wondering what would happen next to the Supreme Court. I know now.

The next part of my American story is unclear. My daughter lives there. My friends and her friends live there. I’m grateful to America for making possible some of the most beautiful and miraculous moments of my life. To ensure those kinds of moments are possible for my daughter and her generation, I know I will vote for the democratic nominee.

Do I like the choices before me for American President? No. Two old men. But even if I’m disappointed with the Democratic Party, especially because they wouldn’t expand the Supreme Court when they had the opportunity, and even if Joe Biden stays in the race, I’ll vote for the Democratic party again.

I’ll vote for that Constitution I swore to defend in 2019. I’ll vote for the America my grandmother wanted for me.

Yes. I dissent.

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Field Notes

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Yvonne writes a fortnightly column for her hometown newspaper, The Antrim Guardian

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© yvonnewatterson.com Writing by Yvonne Watterson and Yvonne Watterson and Time to Consider the Lilies & Lessons from the Field, (Considering LIlies & Lessons from the Field) 2011-2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Unless otherwise attributed, all blog contents and original images are created by and are the sole property of Yvonne Watterson, author, photographer, and blog administrator. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Yvonne Watterson and Time to Consider the Lilies & Lessons from the Field with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Writing by Yvonne Watterson participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn commissions by linking to Amazon. This means that when you buy a book on Amazon from a link provided on this site, I receive a small percentage of its price.

The Lilies at Rideau Hall, Ottawa, Canada ~ photograph by Ken Kaminesky .

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Immigration matters

From there to here . . .

Yvonne hails from Antrim, Northern Ireland, and has lived in the desert southwest of the United States for almost thirty years. Married, with a daughter who is navigating her path through the "teen tunnel," and a haughty cat, Atticus, she has spent the better part of the last three decades in the classroom as a student, teacher, and administrator. Her mid-life crisis came as a sneaky Stage II invasive breast cancer diagnosis which subsequently sent her to the blogosphere where she found a virtual home away from home . . .
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